I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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