Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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