i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
