Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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