It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
