So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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