Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
