In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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