Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have feelings that need drinking.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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