I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
