girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
