i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
