I think I died a long time ago.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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