I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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