Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
