i think my mom watched the whole time
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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