I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
it was like eating out sand paper
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
