OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's official drugs can't kill me
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
