I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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