i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
