Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
