I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
