She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
