you will always have a special place in my vag
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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