My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
