Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Rumble strips road head = magical
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
