Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
