I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
