Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
