I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
