I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
