I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
