So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
