Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
