That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
