Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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