Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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