just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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