wanna go halves on a baby?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
