Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
