And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
