the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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