My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
