I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
