why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
