Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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