Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
