found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
dude. I can hear the air.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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