There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
