we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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