She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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