Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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