Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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