is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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