My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
