I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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