I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
