and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
