That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
